Satirical Spectator: Trumpepe Frogs Sighted in Woods Creek

By Andrew Doberman

In its annual statement on the biodiversity of the Woods Creek ecosystem, the W&L Biology Department reports record numbers of the rare Trumpepe frog inhabiting the area. These amphibians, known to scientists as deplorabus politicus, can be identified by the distinctive red protrusion on their heads, a feature that astute observers of the species believe resembles a hat. Once thought extinct, these frogs are known for their ability to hibernate for extensive periods of time only to emerge when they deem the environment safe. The Trumpepe has many natural predators and has accordingly developed effective defensive mechanisms through natural evolution. Masters of camouflage, they can even hide their distinctive red protrusion to give the appearance of a regular frog. This allows them to continue operating normally, even in the face of danger. Department Chair Bill Hamilton had this to say: “While we knew that the area surrounding Woods Creek, largely rural and undeveloped, was an ideal breeding ground for the Trumpepe, we had no idea that so many actually inhabited the region. It’s entirely possible, given their camouflage, that many of the frogs were thought were normal were actually deplorabus politicus hiding in plain sight.” When asked if these new frogs were dangerous he replied, “Only if provoked. Though the red horn on their head gives the impression of a violent creature, they are actually rather docile. Under no circumstance however, should anyone attempt to cause them harm as they are dangerous if they perceive their territory to be under threat.” The sudden emergence of a once-thought-extinct species is a dramatic development for the biology field here in Lexington. When asked what could have possibly caused them all to emerge so suddenly, Professor Hamilton replied, “I’m not sure. But whatever it was, it must have been huge.”