Satirical Spectator

by Andrew Fox

W&L Fitness Center Dress Code almost as Outdated, Cruel as W&L Fitness Center Playlist

           A recent burst of gender-bias outrage has triggered cries for reform of the W&L Fitness center dress code, cries that would reach many more ears were they not drowned out by the sound of Justin Bieber’s dancehall-pop hit “Sorry” being blasted on the speakers for the thousandth time this week. Indeed, the oppression enforced by an archaic, tone-deaf dress code pales in comparison to the soul-crushing barrage of top-40 hits on the first disc of the NOW That’s What I Call Music 56 CD-rom. “You know I’d be a bit more upset about this whole dress code debacle,” said senior Simone Gruber,” but this is like the fifth time today that I’ve heard “Hands to Myself” during my workout.”  

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Stone Age Robert E. Lee “definitely” Rode into Battle on That Pterodactyl Hanging in Science Center

Title IX Director Kicks Student out of Upper-Level Course, Cites Failure to Receive Instructor Consent

Student Files Honor Violation Report Against the Band One Direction, Claims Harry Styles “Stole My Heart”

A Story of Quality over Quantity: How in the Wake of DEA Drug Busts, Suppliers buckled down and Kickstarted a Meth-lab Renaissance

Cadavers Can’t Believe They All Got Each Other Skeleton Masks for Christmas

Ruscio Addresses Graduating Seniors: “Y’all’s Parties Were Way Better Freshman Year”

Things Getting Awkward between Bio 100 Students and DEA Stakeout as Drug Dealer Predictably 15 Minutes Late to Class