By Grey Hound

In a tragic, but expected, series of events, the staff of the museum in Lee Chapel have reported that the statue of Confederate general Robert E. Lee has begun coming alive in the nighttime hours. The statue has been seen, alongside an animated yet still skeletonized version of Traveller, harassing first year students in Gaines Hall, chewing on lemons with Stonewall Jackson (recently escaped from the confines of the cemetery bearing his name), and possibly most concerning of all, streaking the Colonnade with the statue of Cyrus McCormick. Public Safety has yet to release a plan to address this issue. The history department speculates that talk of removing Lee reference from campus has disturbed the statue from its rest.