By Alex Wilkerson ‘22,

There’s a new club on campus and they’re here to stay. The Red Elephants are a ‘communist conservative’ club that’s here to bridge the gap between supporting the elimination of capitalism and good, old-fashioned conservatism. “You know, I don’t see why I – excuse me, we – shouldn’t be able to protect our collectivized farms with an AR-15 (or perhaps a Kalashnikov),” said John Davenport ’22, who is a card-carrying member of both the NRA and the Democratic Socialists of America. 

“Until now, I’ve felt left out of the political discourse on campus. That’s why I founded the Red Elephants. I wanted to create a safe space where we can all chant quotes from Chairman Mao’s Little Red Bookin unison as we remember the great contributions of people like Barry Goldwater and Newt Gingrich.” Davenport then went on to encourage everyone on campus to join the club, “unless you’re a filthy kulak, of course.” Perhaps they’ll be more active than the College Republicans.

Note from the Editor: This is just in good fun and is not in any way meant to denigrate the new “Pink Elephants” club. On the contrary, it is meant to show how some on campus feel there is no such thing as a “conservative feminist.” The creation of The Pink Elephants is, of course, a wonderful way to bring more women on campus into the conservative movement. If you want to learn more about them, check out the Ring Tum Phi article on them here: https://ringtumphi.org/4642/arts-life/new-conservative-feminist-club-wants-to-break-barriers/