Ratio of Finance Professors to Random Deans Dangerously Low!

By Will Tanner ’21,

In this breaking Satirical Spectator news report, we have an important announcement: early reports indicate that W&L’s ratio of finance professors to random deans with vague at best job descriptions is dangerously low. With close to 30 administrators and only three finance professors, our ratio has now dropped below the 0.1 “danger zone” level. 

Dr. Dan, one of our finest researchers, has surmised that symptoms of falling below the 0.1 ratio include a plethora of school-funded alternatives to Greek Life events, administrative bloat, increased tuition costs, and a dearth of spots in finance classes, which most W&L students want and need to take. Luckily for them, the administrative bloat means they get to focus on a fake Casino night in D-hall rather than taking Managerial Finance (which is a terrific class, by the way). We will continue to monitor the situation closely and report on further developments.