By Will Tanner '21,

It would appear as if the Spectator’s previous warnings about administrative bloat were, surprisingly, not taken into consideration by our beloved administration. Unfortunately, it appears as if one new administrative position has been added. The title of that position, “Grand Inquisitor of Injustice at W&L,” implies that it will most likely be another position related to diversity of thought on campus.

The administration’s statement on this new post was as follows: 

“In following with the honorable and impugned reputations of the Star Chamber and the Tribunal of the Holy Office of the Inquisition, two titans of improving diversity of thought in Renaissance and Early Modern Europe, W&L is excited to be bringing its own Grand Inquisitor to campus. Although we apologize for the Western-centric nature and nomenclature of such an appointment, we hope the benefits this new program brings to campus will outweigh whatever painful memories of imperialism our students born well after the imperial era might have. So, without further ado, we would like you all to welcome Grand Inquisitor Tomás de Torquemada to campus! 

P.S. Those who do not welcome Grand Inquisitor Torquemada will be brought before his tribunal, so make sure to keep our speaking tradition alive!”

Despite the cheery tone of that message, some non-forward-thinking students are worried that this new administrative post might do more to stifle free speech and diversity of thought on campus than to encourage it.

For example, in his address to students, given from his post in Chavis Hall (formerly known as Robinson Hall), Inquisitor Torquemada said that he would “improve” diversity of thought on campus by “rooting out and punishing anyone who holds heretical beliefs that conflict with those found in the most holy book.” By “holy book” he was of course referring to Howard Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States. While we are, of course, open to hearing opinions to the contrary, we doubt that punishing thought crimes in order to reshape W&L because of the lies about American history, especially men like George Washington and Robert E. Lee, made up by an unpatriotic socialist like Zinn is the best way to bring diversity of thought to our cherished institution. 

Addendum: After punishing the heretics, Inquisitor Torquemada renamed Washington & Lee to “Something No One Could Ever Find Offensive University” because that seemed, to him, like the best way to bring a diversity of thought to campus.