Behind Closed Doors: Inside SHAG’s “Sex in the Dark”
Behind Closed Doors: Inside SHAG’s “Sex in the Dark”
Facilitators discussed safe words, communication, and anatomy, among other topics.
(Facilitators speak onstage during SHAG’s Sex in the Dark event. | SOURCE: Daniel Straub / The W&L Spectator)
“How to initiate sex with someone you're not in a relationship with … a gradual increase in physical touch, checking the ground, and then asking directly, or giving them a wink.” This was just one of the many candid and often surprising pieces of advice offered during this year’s Sex Week at Washington and Lee University.
The event continued its tradition of engaging in often eyebrow-raising discussions around sexual health, spearheaded by the Sexual Health Awareness Group (SHAG), SPEAK, and W&L Health Promotion. One of the key events, “Sex in the Dark,” held on November 21 at 7 P.M. in Stackhouse Theater, invited students to ask any and all questions about sex — with the lights off.
Student participants used WooClap, an online platform for submitting and upvoting questions, to ensure anonymity.
(Facilitators used the website WooClap to collect questions | SOURCE: Daniel Straub / The W&L Spectator)
Facilitators Marshall and Dori, both identifying as queer and bisexual, made clear from the start that absolutely no topic was off-limits.
The questions submitted by attendees spanned a wide range of topics, from anatomy and foreplay to navigating conversations about kinks and exploring sexual preferences.
Using humor and candor, Marshall and Dori addressed even the most unconventional queries, such as, “Why do I want to be tied up?”
As Marshall explained, “A lot of it is about powerlessness. It's about the idea that you can't control it, you don't know exactly what's going to happen, and someone else is going to pleasure your body or do what they want with you.”
A moment of levity came during a brainstorming session on “safe words,” with the audience suggesting playful terms like “pineapple,” “Batman,” and “Perry the Platypus.” Lighthearted interaction helped break the ice and encouraged participation, creating an atmosphere where students felt more comfortable engaging in the conversation.
Marshall and Dori explained that safe words establish clear boundaries, ensuring both partners are comfortable throughout the experience. They made it clear that while some safe words might seem playful or unconventional, their primary purpose is to provide consent and communication in all sexual encounters.
This focus on communication was a central theme throughout the event, with Dori reminding the audience, “The key to any healthy sexual experience is communication. Always check in with your partner, and don’t be afraid to say, ‘Is this okay?’”
Another core element of “Sex in the Dark” was providing students with a clear understanding of sexual anatomy, a topic that can often be overlooked or misrepresented in traditional sex education, according to the facilitators. Marshall and Dori stressed the importance of understanding one's own body and how this knowledge translates to a better sexual experience.
They began by addressing a fundamental question: “Where is the clitoris?”
What followed was a detailed description of the clitoris, using diagrams and visual aids, with Marshall explaining that the clitoris has a shaft — similar to the penis — which is often less visible but no less important.
“It’s really important to know that many people find the clitoris too sensitive to be touched directly at the tip” Marshall added, highlighting how anatomical preferences can vary widely. They also touched on the diversity of genitalia, explaining that, just as noses and ears differ from person to person, so too does the shape, size, and visibility of the clitoris.
In keeping with their commitment to inclusivity, Marshall and Dori used terms like “vagina-owners” and “penis-owners” to ensure that all students felt included in the conversation.
“It’s not about gender — it’s about body parts,” Dori explained. “When we talk about anatomy, we want to acknowledge that people of all genders can have a vagina or a penis.”
Marshall and Dori highlighted the value of clear communication in all sexual interactions, particularly when it comes to initiating sex and navigating sensitive topics like kinks. One key tip they shared was how to ask for consent in a way that doesn’t disrupt the mood, suggesting the phrase “Is this okay?”
Dori explained that using simple, direct phrases allows both partners to express their boundaries while keeping the interaction relaxed and enjoyable.
They also discussed broaching kinks with a partner, encouraging students to be open and honest while being mindful of their partner’s comfort levels. Marshall added, “Well, you're in a really good position having come to this program. And you can always use this as an excuse. Like, I went to the Sex in the Dark program, and they're talking about blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”
At the end of the event, Marshall and Dori hosted a trivia segment. The questions ranged in difficulty, testing attendees’ recall of key points from the evening’s discussions.
One of the first questions asked students to recall some of the “fun and quirky” safe words suggested during the brainstorming session, with terms like “pineapple”, “Batman”, and “red” emerging as favorites.
There were also questions about sexual health practices, such as, “What is a dental dam used for?” (to prevent STIs during oral sex) and “What is the average time it takes for someone with a vagina to orgasm during sex?” (14 minutes).
(Facilitators ask audience members trivia questions. | SOURCE: Daniel Straub / The W&L Spectator)
Other questions delved into more practical topics, like “What should you always have on hand for safer sex?” (condoms, dental dams, etc.). Students competed for prizes such as Sex in the Dark t-shirts and books on sexual health.
Marshall and Dori kept the mood light, with Marshall quipping, “You’re all winners for being here tonight, but let’s see who can remember the most!”
(The facilitators asked for feedback following the event. | SOURCE: Daniel Straub / The W&L Spectator)